forgiveness is terribly hard for me. i do believe there are people who can pump it out of a bottle and slather it on generously, but i'm alot more "careful". i'm not extravagant. in fact, you may as well call me frugle. believe me when i say i'm not proud of it--it's a conviction these days.
alot of Bible prophecies began with the words, "the time is coming". i never really thought much about them until tonight, when i picked up an incredible book i'm reading called Gilead. it's a pulitzer prize book by Marilynn Robinson--it's the first novel she's written after her first one 24 years ago, and the book is one to muse over for hours. i was thinking about how i bought it months ago--probably in march or april. i started it but got bored, and for some random reason, felt drawn to it this fall. in light of certain events in my life, the time certainly came for it to be relevant. the time came for me to read it, and it's made an impact on my dedication to forgiveness.
i said in my last post that i feel more prepared for Christ. . . for once in my life, it's like i truly believe he'll be here on Christmas. it's like i'm a kid again and i truly believe in santa, only there's no comparison because a son of God full of peace is a whole lot better then we can imagine. and i believe i'm more ready this year because God's teaching that, if my heart is going to enthrone him, then i've got to make a place for him. he can't be in there with crappy guilt or bitterness. even if they could both fit together, which they can't, how can I subject a pure, perfect child to it? and when i can't forgive properly, how can i love him?
the time is here--i've hemmed and hawed enough and now i just need to pray and ask God to help me forgive. when it comes down to it, it's really that simple. we ask, he does the work, and here's the hard part: we let it go. can i just get that printed in neon lights somewhere? it'll coordinate nicely in downtown Reno!