Twu Wuv and Maiwwage

I've been placed in an interesting position this year. Jonathan, being the loving, devoted, dedicated husband he is, gave up his financially stable ambition to be a DCE so that I could pursue my dream of earning a Masters degree in London. As a result he works at Apple and is the baconwinner that brings home the bread for the family (I've never understood those phrases--breadwinner? bringing home the bacon? what? why not the other way around?) Anyway I'm extremely thankful he has a job he loves, working with such an organized, creative, innovative company.

But back to my interesting position. Since I'm a full-time student, I don't have a job this year. For the first time in our marriage I'm relying on Jonathan to support me financially, and to be honest, it messes with my mind a bit. I can empathize with women who lived in the days when only the men worked, and the women served the men. It's extremely easy to fall into a pit of guilt. It's too easy to believe that you owe your husband something, since he provides monetarily for the family. I can understand how the position can enslave a woman, regardless of what her husband tells her. (For the record, Jonathan does not do anything or say anything that makes me feel this way, I breed my own feelings about the situation.)

Interestingly, guilt isn't the only thing I feel. I also feel more grateful towards him. I feel like he's giving me a priceless gift, this year of devoting myself to writing. As a result, I am motivated to serve him more, to show him that I'm not taking his gift for granted.

I guess these are the natural responses to receiving any gift we don't deserve.

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